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Don't worry - you're not weird. Far from it, really. In fact becoming sexually submissive is one of the most common sexual fantasies. Just check out these statistics from the Kinsey Institute.

Clearly, for many people, the fantasy of being ordered around, spanked and generally coerced to perform sexual acts can seem thrilling.

The question for those who haven't actually done it , however, is where to start. And if you want to be a submissive, what do you really need to know?

Here are some steps to take. Becoming a submissive is not a decision that should be made lightly. Before you decide to take the plunge and put yourself at the mercy of another, educate yourself on all things submission.

First, some excellent books have been written on the subject of submission and dominance, and there are some very valuable online communities that cater to both veterans and novices.

Another way to learn more about what it's like to become a submissive is to attend a "munch". Attending these gatherings is a great way to connect with experienced individuals and learn more about the lifestyle.

Not surprisingly, submissive behavior typically comes very naturally to true submissives. But how can you tell if you're a true submissive?

Generally, true submissives have a desire to please a more dominant person and may even be turned on by the thought of being humiliated or overpowered.

But don't think for a second that all submissives bend to everyone's whims in their everyday lives.

Some submissives are individuals in truly powerful positions who simply want a release from their responsibilities from time to time.

On the flip side, however, if submitting to another person turns you off, being a submissive probably isn't for you.

Instead, you could look into becoming a dominant or even a switch someone who participates in BDSM as both a dominant and a submissive.

Finally, ask yourself honestly why you want to become a submissive. Is it because you truly enjoy the idea of relinquishing power to a dominant person?

Or is it because your partner wants to dominate you? Never become a submissive if you feel that you're being pressured into it.

There are a few different distinct levels of dominance and submission. Some people, for instance, simply use dominance and submission to add a little spice to their sex lives.

This typically includes fantasy role-playing in the bedroom from time to time, with some light spanking, dirty talk or bondage. Part-time submissives find that the submissive lifestyle is a much more important part of their lives.

They may transform into a submissive during certain times, such as during sex or when visiting a BDSM club. They will often invest in outfits and other props, but won't usually let their role interfere with other areas of their lives.

Full-time submissives, on the other hand, are usually the hard-core players in the BDSM game. They will usually relinquish all control to their dominate in most - if not all - areas of their lives.

Many of these relationships also involve signed contracts. In some ways, they are very similar to marriage - although, of course, most marriages these days have much less of a power imbalance.

As with all things in life, when it comes to dominance and submission, it's usually best to start small and work your way up.

Maybe try a little fantasy role-playing before you completely submit to a full-time dominant, for example. Does the thought of being caned make you want to cower in the corner?

Do handcuffs and spreader bars raise your hackles? As you delve into the world of dominance and submission, you're bound to come across more than a few things that test your comfort zone.

You know what we're talking about - the things that make you go "Yikes! Keep in mind that just just because others enjoy something doesn't mean that you have to.

Know your limits and stand firm! Now's not the time to be shy; if you're uncomfortable with the thought of sharing your innermost sexual desires and turn-offs it can really affect your safety - not to mention whether you enjoy your encounters.

Be sure to download the free guide above fore more details about how to become a better sub. Thanks for this info.

As a sub I struggle with being a sub outside of the bedroom. Thank you so much for reading! It can be hard to take the submissive personality out of the bedroom and into everyday life.

You can still be a confident, independent, and strong individual and still be a sub. Just remember: you are not weak.

You are the one choosing this lifestyle for yourself. Your submission is a gift that only you have the power to give. If being completely subservient feels too scary at first, start small.

Work on keeping your words and demeanor respectful to your Master. Give hime the opportunity to make choices for you.

It will get easier with time, and soon you will begin to crave more and more. I hope this helps, and thanks again for stopping by!

Hi Alora! Thank you for visiting! Georgia, I too struggle with this. It was easier to be a sub when I was not so confident and independent.

I do it to feel owned because it fills a hole in my life, to feel someone depends on me entirely for their pleasure because I feel whole when I please someone.

I really enjoyed reading this. I was out of the life style for awhile but then met a man with similar desires and much knowledge.

I am finding it hard to go back to the role while we are apart but as with anything I know this takes time to accomplish. Thank you for this article..

Angie, Thank you so much for your comment! So I have been with my master for six years. I used to love it but since I had out little girl in August of last year the desire has plummeted.

My master wants consistency which is understandable but I find it hard to juggle it all. I would suggest that you consider arranging such a weekend.

You go into your roles, let him get back into his comfortably, and then humbly ask to talk to him. If he does agree, offer future weekends of this nature.

Promise to be the best sub you can be, and then follow through. Also offer to submit anytime the parental role can be set aside for a few hours.

You will have to work out how to communicate this opportunity and how to accept it. Your skills as a loving sub will be heavily taxed. If you pull it off, the rewards will have been worth the effort.

Do you have any advice? Thanks in advanced! Hi Meghan! The above article and cheat sheet can help you get into the mindset and help you focus on your new identity.

If you want to progress more you can find a partner to start enjoying the lifestyle more fully. I have tips plus step-by-step guides in my structured training program, Dom Sub Training.

It can help you find a genuine partner and make BDSM a way of life. I have one comment to the other female subs who are worried about losing their strong, independent personality, and that is to know that the sub is the one with the control in these relationships.

So although you are doing anything your Dom asks of you within your limits and your goal is to make him happy, you get to determine what your limits are and then let him surprise you from there and satisfy your needs too!

Thank you for your kind advice for other subs. I realize this is a personal decision but the few friends she has trusted enough to tell them who and what she is …seem to snub her.

The worse part is she is an ex-mormon and with children.. Thanks for the listen. Thank you so much for your insight as a Dom.

Hopefully there will be more acceptance of the lifestyle someday. A sub should always feel comfortable being able to talk to the dom.

Exactly, Kevin! As long as it is done respectfully, a sub should always feel comfortable talking to their Dom. I am so happy to find you and your blog.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I want to be a good sub. And I am new to this. Be sure to check out this article to help you!

So happy to find you and this blog. Great info! I am a new sub and an older sub…just discovering the real me! My Dom is new as well.

I want to please him all the time, but he has a stressful job and sometimes like to lash out at me and says hurtful things. Hi Stacy. Topping from the Bottom is an issue you can read about here.

A good Dom would understand that. Topping from the bottom is different than speaking up because someone is hurting you. A good dom is there to better you and please you, not abuse you.

A good dom is also humble, generous and kind, wants to know how you feel so he can make you happy, and allows you express yourself without getting emotional.

Hope you can express yourself and he strives to become a better dom, good luck! One of my biggest problems is that I do not like the word no and have trouble obeying when told no.

I have the wanting to please and be owned by master qualities but I struggle with giving up complete control as I have always been a control freak which is one of the many reasons my Master and I choose this lifestyle is to help me give up control.

Hi Cristina! I completely understand that it can be hard to give up control. You can read the tips for topping from the bottom to help you.

Being comfortable with giving up control will take some time, so try to be patient and focus on how being obedient benefits you and your relationship.

I am not a sub…yet…I would like to…. Sure, Stacey! Make sure you figure out first WHY you want to be a submissive, and what you hope to get out of it.

Take it very slow, and remember to have fun! Please help me as clarity. Would being used sexually be the acts of a slave? Would something like that be considered for a little?

I know it all depends on the contract and understanding. Hi Danie! Both slaves and littles can be used sexually. Have fun! Unlike most of the previous replies, i am male with a female dom.

She is so special, funny, caring, sexy yet tough and demanding. The intimacy and trust levels we achieve thru her bdsm domination of me are incredible.

Unfortunately we live some distance apart, but when we do get together the connection is electric. I am constantly thinking ways to try and please her and show my loyalty.

I respect her and dont want to appear a pest by texting and calling all the time. Thanks for your comment, Bill! A lot of subs feel that way, Erin.

The best way to get over being self-conscious is to remember that your 1 job is to focus on your Dom, and not yourself.

You can even have a mantra to repeat when you feel your self-esteem dropping. Hello, I recently started being a sub. And I have to tell you that….

I thought that I was the only one who loved this way of life. Thanks for this article it is really helpful!!

I have to continually try and anticipate what would please him, which is exhausting and I end up being a brat which only gets me spankings.

Can you give any suggestions that would help me, help him to carry over his dominance into our vanilla aspects of the relationship?

He is very willing to learn and grow but I do not want to force him, I love when he is and explores his dominance over me and wish so much that he would break out of the mindset that he is being a jerk for demands or punishment tasks.

Guys especially sometimes need things spelled out for them and lots of examples. You can also share this article about rituals with him.

Being a Dom and assigning and enforcing tasks is a lot of work. He may say he wants to learn and try but a Dom has to be self-motivated and take the lead.

He may just like the kinky sex, and being a lifestyle Dom may not be for him. Thanks so much. I read another few articles and the one you mentioned.

I took it upon myself to start a journal that He can read at will. I actually wrote my first entry and have to say it is so much easier to write about these things than to have discussions.

Maybe there is a happy medium somewhere and this journal is the start of something wonderful. Thanks for the advice Kinky Abby, I really appreciate it.

Thank you for all your amazing articles! Hi Lunaa! Remember to stay in the moment. Worrying about the future will not help you to serve your Dom.

And be kind to yourself! I adore to be sodomised by men while people watch. I am not attracted to men in the slightest..

I like your blog.. Knowing our likes and dislikes is the most important thing. You can read more about it here. Im struggleing to know exactly how to be the best sub.

We have a 13 yr old daughter who is never away from us and time alone to cummacate is scarce. Can you help me??

Struggling to be a good sub while dealing with teenage children can be frustrating. I am new to being a sub I have always had it in me but it just took the right man to bring it out of me.

Hi Peaches! Be sure to download the cheat sheet above, and you can also check out this article. I was in what I thought was a submissive role in my past but now I see was being abused.

I have since been talking with a Master and I am struggling with His written assignments. We have not met yet.

Master says I am giving text book answers and not from my own heart.

3 thoughts on “Submissive instructions

  1. Ja, ich verstehe Sie. Darin ist etwas auch mir scheint es der ausgezeichnete Gedanke. Ich bin mit Ihnen einverstanden.

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